What if we could turn every suburb in Perth into a person, and had them all go to the club together? it would look a little like this –
Cannington – Turns up looking like $1,000,000 wearing Chemist Warehouse perfume. 10 drinks later … her heels are missing, with leaky mascara having a fight with Thornlie in the girl’s bathroom..
Subiaco – Doesn’t understand why everyone’s making so much noise or even going out. Sits at home stroking their pet cat, knitting up a storm with a glass of sherry / scotch. Excited for the AFL to move to Burswood, because there’s “just too much traffic here dearie me”
Ellenbrook – Excited that people invited him out. Picked up Mirrabooka, Balga, Dianella and Westminster on the way to make the trip to town worthwhile. Went home early because the missus doesn’t want him driving late at night.
Perth – gloats over the fact she didn’t have to drive in. Gloats about the fact that the CAT bus dropped her off at the club. Steals everyone’s drinks then cries in the corner because she spent her last dollar on parking.
Maylands – Couldn’t figure out if he should be a high functioning alcoholic or a dysfunctional meth addict, decided to do both at the same time.
Mt Lawley – Just had the most delightful brunch you’ve ever tasted. Really, we’re the only culture Perth has left.
Mosman Park – had pre-drinks. Turned up looking quite drunk but her make-up on point. Left early, crashed her Porsche Cayenne. Called hubby to buy a new car in the morning.
Wanneroo – After spending the day laying bricks and pres at the gym, desperately wants Joondalup to notice his gainz. Proceeds to go on a meth binge when Joondalup ignores him while flirting with Hillarys.
Applecross – having stepped out to see what the poor people are doing, quickly realized why he doesn’t go to see what the poor people are doing.
Mirrabooka, Balga, Westminster the 3 sisters know everyone, tried everything, and may or may not have fallen asleep after the last hookah.
Midland Everyone looks down at their glasses when Midland wanders in, has a loud conversation with itself, then ambles out the emergency exit. This is followed by a loud thud.
Did we miss your suburb? Let us know what you think of your suburb here!
(post inspired by reddit r/perth . Cheers guys 🙂 )